Yesterday I realized something new or maybe not new just something that I haven't really thought about. After almost 7 months of the not engaged anymore single life something dawned on me, I truly am over him. Fully, completely, and entirely I am over the three year relationship that was full of love, tears, and the untruthful part of the things I once thought were real. The beginning was great not to mention the in between parts but somewhere in the middle things seemed to unravel right in front of my eyes. While he loved me, he seemed to forget the man he once portrayed and became the man he really was all along. Cheating and lying became a normal day for him and an unhappy one for me. I continued to forgive something that I had never actually done myself. I had made excuses for him and allowed him to manipulate me in the worst possible ways. Yes I loved him but I couldn't be the only one fighting for the relationship that we both were in. I realized that the engagement wasn't as serious to him as it was to me. I made one of the biggest decisions thus far in my 25 years of life and that was to leave him. I left behind every bit of the three years that I had once thought was going to be forever and started over. I realized that I was that girl I never thought I would be while being in love for so long, I was unhappy, heartbroken, and no longer in love. Time has passed and there isn't a day that a thought doesn't cross my mind about one of the very many lessons I learned from that chapter of my life, however, one of the most important things I could ever say is "I forgive him". After telling someone those very words today, she said that she couldn't be me because she holds grudges and she especially couldn't forgive someone for the type of things he put me through. My response was time has moved me on and I forgive him because it has given me the opportunity for growth as a woman who still believes in true love. I couldn't truly move on to something new if I had not forgiven the one person who gave me some of the greatest lessons I had ever learned. I knew that the most important part of starting a new chapter was forgiving him and letting go of the things that no longer gave my life meaning. As for him I wish him well in all that he does, I hope he finds himself and becomes a better man. I wish him love and all good things that love can bring to ones life and when he thinks of me I hope he knows that he lost possibly the best thing that ever happened to him. On the other hand there will always be the memories not forgotten because in life you can forgive but should never forget. The things that I will never forget will help me in the future and remind me of the journey that I once traveled to get to this point in my life. The experience itself has been a growing catalyst for the woman I have become and long to be. I know my worth, who I am, and that I love myself so much more than any unhappy relationship and man. I am thankful and blessed to be at the point that I am at in my life at this very moment. The answer that some people may be wondering, YES I still believe in LOVE, the ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other LOVE! <3
To momz who told me that one day the empty feeling that I once had will eventually just go...It has gone and I am thankful that you were there to reassure me that I would eventually find peace. I have found it in my everyday Super Model Life! Love, Me <3
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